playing normal

today has not been fantastic. not horrible, by any means.. better than yesterday, but still not good.
it's wednesday, which means a lot of 'playing normal'. i have to play normal all day at school, and then go to church and do it again. i'll admit, playing normal has become a very difficult thing to do here lately, but i have to.
i can't actually let on to how things really are.. people would think i was a freak. no one would talk to me. i would have no friends and no life. but in all honesty, i don't really have a life anyway...
my life was long ago consumed by food and weight and numbers and purging and exercise. even at school, i catch myself mentally saying, "i have to keep shaking my leg to burn more calories"
so you see, even when i'm playing normal, i'm very far from it. and i find it pathetic that i can't even play normal correctly.
when i'm at school, i only have one class that i actually have to take (English III) for the rest of the day i just sit in seminar and do random things. earlier i worked on my new altered book, now i'm writing a blog entry in the library. it's so simple, but i still feel so much stress for some reason. maybe it has more to do with ed and less to do with school, but it's really frustrating.
well, the creative juices really aren't flowing today, so i think i'm going to stop writing now.