flashback-*smash* the glass vase shatters. i'm terrified. what is he going to do now? i close my eyes and try to imagine i'm somewhere else... the beach, the mountains, anywhere but here would be paradise. i threaten to leave only to be threatened right back with something much more dangerous. i swallow my tears and pretend to love him. i say 'i'm sorry' and timidly walk towards him. he opens his arms and i catch myself flinching, that makes him even angrier. 'please, please don't do this. i'm sorry, i'm really truly sorry. please!' it doesn't matter. *shove* i land on the floor with a loud thump. i thump that implied, in my head, that i was too much. 'stop, please just stop it!!' now he's enraged, livid. i close my eyes and go to paradise, away from him, away from her, away from that awful house. the ceiling fan spins above my head; i watch the blades go around and around again. i try my hardest to focus on the consistent spinning, but eventually it makes me feel dizzy and sick. i look at him, he's yelling something, but i can't understand him. *kick* ouch. i'm back to reality. he's calling me every degrading name possible. i know what comes next... i always know what happens now. i prepare myself for the worst part of it all. i bite my lip until it bleeds, but not a tear is shed, not now anyway. when it's over he leaves me there like always, and as soon as i am sure he is gone, i go take a shower. i sit down in fetal position and cry. i cut myself with his razor. i go home to my mom, avoid all of her questions and go to my room. i lock myself in the closet and scream into a pillow. i tell myself this is the last time, that i'll never go back. my phone rings, it's him. i answer, planning on cussing him out, but end up saying sorry for making him so angry. the next day he comes with flowers and hugs. i forgive him... he can be nice sometimes right?
present- wrong. he is an asshole. he will burn in hell for what he did. i block his number, i report him, i do everything in my power to keep myself away from him. is there a part of me that still loves that sometimes nice person? of course. but not enough to endure the abuse. i'm stronger now, i know that don't need him. just in case you're reading this, F*CK you, go to hell, and have a nice life in prison, you sick bastard.
