slipping and sliding.

so yesterday i had my first big slip- i acted on ED symptoms. it was very impulsive and stupid, but in the moment it felt like the only option i had.now i'm having crzy urges to do it again, but i haven't. i'm just struggling a lot with thoughts, memories, and emotions. my therapist and i had a really intense session yesterday surrounding my trauma, and right afterwards i had to eat dinner. it was just too much to deal with. but today i got back on track with breakfast. howver, i won't say i feel good. i'm miserable. i feel like my body doean't belong to me anymore. it just feels so foriegn. i want to rip off my skin and cry. i'm starting IOP today, which i'm really nervous about. i have to go to groups and then eat dinner there. worst part is- i have to prepare my meal myself. i really wish i could just skip it, but i can't. i guess i'll write more afterwards to let you all know how it goes.