accepting reality.

i just realized something... i'm going to die. as i sat here, locked away in my room smoking a bummed menthol newport, i remembered that i'm going to die. right now i'm healthy, but i know it won't last; not with what i'm doing. i'm already slipping away quicker than i anticipated. i barely made it through the last relapse; i know i won't make it through this one. i'll be lucky to make it to 17. it's hard to accept, but i honestly don't think i have what it takes to get better...